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Wednesday 27 May 2015

Soldiers at war By Angari

Soldiers at war

Scott lived in Manningtree ( a small town in England )with his little sister, Alice who was struggling with school fees. Their father died from heart attack  and their mother died from cancer. They lived for several years struggling to find money to pay their school fees and find food too. Scott had a job of selling sacks of rice. He only got paid little for a man who sells sacks of rice. It’s 1915, June Midnight, the sun goes down, The birds stop chirping and it starts to rain.
Scott tries cover the sacks with an old tent that he found in the Garbage. Scott walked inside of the small house where his sister Alice is sleeping. Scott sighed. He struggled to find food and Money for his sister’s school fees. Unfortunately, he dropped out of school and got a job to help out with
the bills.  

He fell asleep when someone started pounding on the door that it nearly broke. He ran to the door hoping that it wouldn’t break. He opened the door in surprise. “ What is the rush? Its nearly dawn” Scott said. “ I have come to bring you a letter” Ben puffed. Ben gave him the letter and ran and fast as he could to his house. Scott read the front of the letter saying To: Scott Henderson in very neat writing. He opened the letter as fast as he could with excitement. He read it and screamed like some stranger had been in his house. He screamed so loud his sister woke up with anger. “ WHAT IS THE SCREAM FOR!” Alice said with annoyance. Scott had told her but she thought it was a dream so she started hitting herself. She didn’t like the idea of him going to war. He wanted to save his country and fight for them and also come back home to Alice. He also said that I have to be over 20 years old. Scott told his sister he is gonna lie about his age, but Alice already had crawled back to her bed and curled up under her blanket. He sighed and went back to bed. It was morning and it didn’t look like a good one. It was pouring hard and  very muddy. Alice was ready for school. As she packed her basket because she couldn’t afford an actual bag for school. “ Oh no I’m gonna have to walk” she grumbled. Alice ran as fast as she could to school and hoping that she wouldn’t be late. This is what their days were like without their parents, but Scott knew that he  wasn’t gonna see his little sister anymore.  

He had also got uniform from Ben that morning. Time went on and it came to July.The next morning he got ready at Midnight and said goodbye to his sister. She was in tears and was very sad that he was going. He put on his hat and walked slowly to the car that was waiting outside. The car drove off leaving a huge cloud of gas and some skid marks.

A month later they were trained and  ready to fight. Silent hours went on and it was finally time to fight. “FIRE!” the captains shouted. The soldiers ran, although they had to carry a lot of gear. He 3 times, missed two and got one. He ran up the hill and about 2 people helped him with a machine gun that was huge. He feels a very strange feeling, and starts walking slowly towards the edge of the hill. “ WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SCOTT!” a soldier shouted. Scott fell to the ground moaning. The soldiers who were working on the machine gun helped him up but his eyes were barely open and his mouth was numb the soldiers gently laid him down on to the ground where it was muddy and revolting. Scott’s shield laid on the edge of his
body, but the fight still went on. Hours passed and the soldiers got hungry and exhausted. Both sides agreed to stop fighting and bury the dead bodies. The name of the soldiers that helped Scott were Alex and Cornelius. They buried his body in a grave a put flowers inside his hands.


It had been a year and Alice was still worried whether her brother had survived or not. She was 13 years old now and knew how to look after herself. The mailman came to deliver her a message from the headquarters about her brother. She quickly thanked the mail man and shut the door. She teared open the letter and her happy face turned into a frown. She slowly put the letter in a draw and went to bed crying for the whole night. At midnight she curled into her blanket and slowly fell asleep.            

7 comments:

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    2. I was meant to say I really liked how.

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    1. I cannot see what you have commented on my work

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  3. Good work getting your story written, Angari. You have set up the background of the main characters, Scott and Alice, well. I also liked that you brought the story back to Alice and reminded the reader that there were people who suffered at home too.

    Some points you need to improve on are:
    1) follow the feedback the other students and I gave you! What tense should you be using for describing Scott's life BEFORE the war?
    2) read your work to yourself aloud. I'm sure you could have spotted sentences that don't make sense like, "He 3 times, missed two and got one" by yourself.

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